


We Can Work It Out

by KeelerQueen



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Camping, Celebrity Crush, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Cyberbullying, Developing Relationship, Divorce, Escapism, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Immaturity, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25340875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeelerQueen/pseuds/KeelerQueen
Summary: It was the girl he never sought for. It was the girl he never expected to enter into his life. It was girl he never knew he needed in his life. As the realities of her past begin to flood over her, will he be willing to reach out a hand? What would become of their friendship when the layers get pulled back?
Relationships: Cody Anderson/Sierra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Do I Even Know You

He had never found himself in a situation like this before. The girl he thought was impeding on his life was now someone he wanted in his circle. But this welcoming feeling was flooded with guilt. Does he feel bad about what he's done? Why should he? After all she's done to him. Cody found himself brooding over these feelings on his trip back home from Hawaii.

The 25 contestants traveled together back to the original location of where the plane first took off. This would be their last moment together as a group of contestants. Over the course of the long flight back, Sierra was oddly silent and would make a few quick glances at her object of affection every so often. Cody looked back at her; she was bruised, hairless and broken from her unfortunate mishap with Chris' jumbo jet. In that moment Cody had an epiphany, from all the time he spent with her on the plane, he knew nearly nothing about her. Sure, everyone knew she was Total Drama's biggest fan, but anything besides that was still a mystery.

As they landed in Ontario, the teens were met with warm greetings from family members waiting to take them back home. Or at least, most of them were. Cody looked through the crowd and noticed Sierra was alone, sitting in her wheelchair.

He approached her casually and decided to finally speak with her for the first time in hours, "Do you need any help?"

"I knew she wasn't going to show up!" Sierra pouted, looking away from him.

The 'her' she was referring to was noticeably her mother, someone Sierra spent a great deal talking about on the plane. Cody assumed Sierra was close with her mother, as they shared a love for the show, and Chris.

Cody asked, "How are you going to get home then?"

"I can just wheel home in my chair." She joked a bit but still seemed downhearted. Cody couldn't leave her stranded, but dreaded the idea of asking his parents to take her home. They watched the crowd of their friends steadily shrink, making it clearer that no one was there to claim his new-found friend. He wondered for a moment if she planned this so she could get more time with him. It didn't explain her out of character attitude towards the situation. Then he remembered that she wasn't a stalker to him anymore; they were friends and he should try harder to see her as one.

He caved and offered, "I can see if we can give you a ride if you're close by."

"Really?" She piped up. At this point Cody knew he had to commit to his words, there wasn't taking it back anymore. Sierra was asked to wait and that he'd be back shortly.

Sierra's thoughts faded her vision. She couldn't remember if she loved Cody, the person she spent all that time with on the plane, or the idea of him that she created. It took a long time for Cody to realize that she was more than just a fan but she still struggled seeing him as anything but an idol. As she looked over at her friend with his family, it hit her. What did she really know about him? Sure, she had accumulated information about his life but it was all statistical. She didn't know him as a person, just as a figure.

When Cody returned, she cleared her head and waited for the bad news.

"Let's go." He stated as he started wheeling her towards his family's car.

She turned around, shocked and muttered, "What?"

"It's not a big deal. I don't want to leave you stranded here."

Sierra felt the obsessed fan within her attempt to burst out. Cody was doing something nice for her but it meant a lot more for someone who idolized him as much as she did. But she needed to compress it, she doesn't want to hurt her friend as much as she already has.

The two of them packed into the back of the car and Sierra gave out her address as they took off, free from the several weeks spent on the plane. For a few minutes, they sat in silence. Cody felt like he needed to talk with her, about what happened and about the future of their friendship. But this conversation that he was reciting in his head needed to be had without the accompaniment of his parents. Sierra dreaded saying anything simply due to the fact that she was on TV, and her behavior couldn't have gone unnoticed especially to his family.

She broke the silence and pondered, "I wonder what my mom's going to think."

Cody tried to reassure her saying, "It's really not that bad."

Sierra looked at him confused and then chuckled, "You think I'm talking about my hair?"

The two spent the entirety of the ride having casual but meaningless conversation. Sierra found it oddly pleasant as she wasn't used to not talking about Total Drama or her affections, especially with him. The ride felt short for her; she had only just started to build a real friendship with someone she really admired only for it to last one quick car ride. Cody, however, felt that the ride couldn't end sooner. It pained him that he was restricted and he couldn't say what he was thinking at that moment. He felt an overwhelming amount of relief once they pulled into the quiet driveway.

The house was two-story with a clean yard and tall trees covering the back. It was quaint but relatively modest. The most noticeable sight was a young woman and a small child playing in front of the house; a sight that made Sierra quietly sigh. Cody got out of the car and grabbed her suitcase; he walked with her to the door and hesitated at the threshold.

"You can come in." She insisted as she entered deeper into the house. He cautiously stepped in and looked around for only a second until Sierra turned around.

"I need to talk to my mom for a minute," She explained, "If you go upstairs the last door on the left is my room. You can wait in there; it shouldn't take longer than a few minutes."

Cody agreed and slowly made his way up the carpeted stairs. The thought of going into her room was something that never crossed his mind but it was a thought that flooded back old feelings. What kind of crazy things does she keep in her room? Put on the walls? He dreaded the idea of seeing his face plastered all over the room. Just as he felt like he could start over with his former teammate he couldn't erase the behavior she displayed before. The door felt 10 miles high as he walked up to it. He quietly turned the knob and grimaced as he creaked the door open.

The room seemed strangely normal… to him. Other than a poster featuring him with his bandmates and a few magazine cutouts of the show, there wasn't much else in the room that would make you think she was a 'super-fan'. There was a small unmade bed by a square window covered by large drapes. A large fish tank was placed on a shabby dresser and there was a closet with thin metal doors. Cody found the room rather peaceful. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he realized that he'd never really been in a girl's room before, not like this. It was something he'd definitely dreamed of doing but not in this situation, but… hasn't he dreamed of everything he's done with Sierra? She was the first girl he's met that's shown interest in him, she was his first kiss, she did wifely things for him like trim his hair and take care of him when he was sick, she celebrated his birthday and made him a cake. He spurned so much of her affection, affection that he acted like he so desperately wanted prior to their interactions. The more and more Cody thought about it, the more he realized that he couldn't resolve the situation until they were able to have a discussion about it. As he sat on the edge of the bed for a short while, Sierra entered the room looking more distraught than earlier. She sat next to him and fell backwards onto the mattress.

"What's happening?" Cody asked as he pulled her back up.

She shook her head and sighed, "It's just… awful. When I was gone, my mom let my sister move in and now I have to stay with my dad!"

Cody was taken back by the fact that she'd never mentioned her father or having siblings. Family situations can be notoriously sticky and he didn't want to impede on it. Her crying made him uncomfortable but trapped him into staying to comfort her.

"What does that mean for you?"

"I don't know," She whimpered as she wiped her eyes, "I've never lived there before but I'm sure it'll be fine after a while."

In a sudden moment, Cody lost control of his thoughts and reasoning. He pulled her hands away from her face and she widened her eyes to look at him.

He sputtered, "Just come stay at my place for a bit. We have a guest room, I'm sure we can tidy it up a bit for you."

Sierra laughed in disbelief, "Are you insane?"

Cody realized what he just committed to but knew it was far too late to back away, "No, I'm serious. Just grab whatever you need and I'll load it back in the car."

Sierra's face lit up and she profusely thanked him. He left the room and went down the staircase as she started to pack her things. She could feel her face reddening. He was no longer the boy she fell in love with on TV, he was a real friend to her and she found herself liking this feeling better than anything she could find on TV. A conversation happening outside was audible from her bedroom window. It was clear that Cody's parents were disapproving of the gesture he gave. She felt three inches tall as she could hear them talking about her in the driveway. She peaked out the window and saw Cody come back inside. She expected the worst and sluggishly set her bags down. Cody came back into the room and took a bag in each hand.

"Are you ready to go?"

She let out a high-pitched gasp and exclaimed, "Yes… Let me say goodbye really quick!"

Cody put her bags in the trunk and waited for Sierra by the car. As she exited the house, he could tell that she was relieved and grateful. He didn't feel like he was dealing with the same Sierra anymore. It'd been hours since she'd last hugged, kissed, or made any flirtatious gesture towards him, but it was a behavior that he still expected from her. As they got into the car and backed out of the driveway, whatever unknown fate that was slowly approaching was forever sealed.

"We're in for a long trip ahead, aren't we?"


	2. We Should Talk

She had fallen in love with a boy she had never met from a TV show she was forced to watch by an equally obsessive mother. But she loved the show and she loved the fans she'd interact with online. It'd be her online presence and the friends she made that influenced her behavior. Sierra was notoriously good at digging up information about the cast of Total Drama. The more she found the bigger her online presence became in the community. It felt strange in that moment for her to think back about all the times she spent on the forums. She looked over at Cody, who had fallen asleep on their long drive back. Was this really the boy she'd fallen in love with? It's not every day you get to meet your TV crush and what kind of lifetime opportunity would lead her to staying at his place? She struggled to fall asleep herself as her mind kept racing with these thoughts and feelings.

The sun started to set as they pulled into the clean driveway of a suburban neighborhood. To Sierra, it seemed rather prestigious and tranquil. Small hedges bordered the front of the lawn to the narrow street and children were riding their bikes over speed bumps around the curved roads. The house didn't necessarily stand out compared to the surrounding buildings but the area was extraordinarily lavish compared to her modest lifestyle. Cody started to rub his eyes after Sierra slightly shook him by the shoulder. The two of them grabbed all their luggage and headed inside.

"This is the guest room over here," Cody motioned to the large panel door as she followed him up the stairs, "My room is on the other end of the hallway and there's a bathroom in between. You won't have to go downstairs for anything."

Sierra had a sinking feeling in her gut as he opened the door to what would be her temporary living space. The room was simple but beautiful. The queen-sized bed took up most of the space with a coffee table placed at its foot and there was a tall wooden dresser next to another door. This room, this place, the more she saw, the less she felt deserving of this kind gesture. She watched as Cody fumbled to find sheets for the bed and make the room feel homier. When he excused himself and left the room she sat down on the bed and covered her legs with a thin quilt. It was the first time in months she'd been in a comfortable bed. Her mind kept making circles around the fact that she was here, in his house… the boy she'd fallen in love with on TV. It confused her more than it elated her and she couldn't understand why. What more could she really want? She had his friendship, she was here, in his house, but none of it made her feel content. Even if she wasn't showing her pleasure in the situation forwardly, she could feel her heart racing and her hands trembling. She felt her obsessive behavior and her reasoning fight for control of her thoughts and body. As she looked down at her palms, she heard the door swing open again.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he watched her shoot her head up, "I brought you a water bottle." He set the bottle down on the end table and sat next to her on the bed. Cody had been waiting for, but dreading, this moment all day. He knew that nothing would get better if he didn't say his piece to her. He didn't anticipate having this conversation in-person, then again, he didn't really consider anything except what he so desperately needed to say. He watched her smile at him; it eased him to know that she was still the same out-going personality he'd understood.

Before he could say anything else, she spoke up, "I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit... about everything going on." He nodded and she continued, "When we first met, I was just shocked cause… there you were! This guy I liked from my favorite show was right in front of me and I didn't really know how I was going to react. I think getting the cameras out of my face helped me get off of this adrenaline rush high and-"

"Wait," he interrupted, "Don't beat yourself up over what happened because it's not going to change it. I told you we could be friends and I genuinely mean it. I think we just need to start over; no cameras, no Chris, or any of that."

Sierra looked at him warmly, "I agree. I'm still trying to not see you as 'that boy on TV' and I can't just erase feelings that I have. But… Being around you is worlds better than watching you. I don't really care if we're dating or fake-married or friends. I just want to stay in touch with you."

Cody thought about his day with Sierra. The flight back to Canada, the car ride, the little house and the room they were sitting in now. It was clear to him how badly she needed him. She was gone for months and her closest friends and family pushed her aside. As fortunate as Cody life was, he understood how frustrating it is to get ignored. Maybe they weren't so different after all. Besides, Cody knows he too has had ill-intentions with another contestant. But even after Gwen saw Cody as a real friend, he was still persistent and made her uncomfortable. Maybe he needed this friendship just as much.

"I think it'll get easier," He reassured her, "I think we're both bad at trying to talk to people we like, right? Maybe we can help each other get better."

"Yeah, you are pretty bad." She laughed then looked down, "I think it'll get better too."

Cody noticed her phone poking out of her bag, "Hey, that's your phone, right? You should take a picture of us." She was taken back for a moment since it seemed like such a strange request, "Wait… first hand me the other bag." He complied and she pulled out a small plastic bag and emptied it. She had a medium-length dark wig and started combing it with her fingers.

"How'd you get one so quickly?"

She shushed him and whispered, "I took it from my sister's closet." They laughed and she finally took the picture with him. In that moment, Sierra felt at peace. She chatted with him for a bit and he headed back to his own room for the night. For the first time in a long time, she felt loved. Not the kind of love she was looking for initially, but the kind she was missing from the friends and family she lacked. She felt as though this was an official beginning, not just for her friendship with Cody, but for her life to become as optimistic as she presents it.

As she sat up in the dark of this unfamiliar room, she dug through her bag and found her laptop. She opened the computer and was immediately met with emails and messages flooding her many inboxes. She had numerous tabs open of the many blogs she ran and moderated. Her eyes met one in particular. Her 'I Dream of Cody' account had hundreds upon hundreds of inbox notifications that piqued her curiosity. She laughed as she looked back at the last thing she posted, about how she was finally going to meet her true love and that she would make him feel the same. The more she scrolled through the account the more she felt like it was a journey back down the rabbit hole. A rabbit hole of the behavior and emotion she displayed that almost lost her the one person that cared about her. She watched the notification numbers grow steadily when she realized this was the end. She made what would be her final post to the account and deactivated before heading to bed and having the most peaceful sleep of her life.

"I don't want to dream anymore."


	3. Alone Without You

Her. Where was she? What was she thinking? Was she still sleeping? Or was she still there? Being here and being in this situation, what was she feeling? Cody watched the sun calmly rise as his mind wondered… thinking about the girl at the other end of the hallway. She was usually there, with him, before he would wake up but now, he found himself lying alone for the first time in a while. As perfect as this moment was to make up for all the sleep he missed on the plane, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He spent hours trying to doze off, but… why hasn't Sierra come in yet? And why couldn't he enjoy this moment of loneliness?

Cody quietly made his way out of bed and down the wooden staircase. He grabbed a couple rolls of bread and milk and headed towards Sierra's room. He made no hesitation opening the paneled door but immediately felt guilty. Why didn't he think to knock? Why did he feel so entitled to enter her room? Cody felt he was numb to the idea of boundaries as she was consistently invading his privacy. As he opened the panel door, he noticed she was still peacefully sleeping in the dark room. He felt strange seeing her asleep, as she barely slept during their time on the plane together. Sierra slowly started to open her eyes as Cody sat on the other side of the bed.

"Are you waking up?" He greeted her quietly, "I have breakfast when you're ready." Sierra looked up at him. Him. She felt like the moment was still a lost dream as she saw the man she wanted to spend her life with sitting next to her, bringing her breakfast, and overall being genuinely kind to her. She sat up and looked at him sweetly as he handed her a roll.

Cody watched her take a bite and started to become flooded with guilt, "I'm sorry for just barging into the room."

"I don't mind," She reassured him, "It's not a problem. You can come in whenever." Cody felt exhausted. On the plane, she had no respect for his personal space and now she's telling him that he doesn't have to care about her personal space? Was she still holding onto her old behaviors? Or has there been enough damage done to where they can just be comfortable around each other?

He instated, "I still want to give you space when you need it. There will be times where I'll need my space too." His space. Like when he was alone in his bed this very morning. She never bothered him throughout the night…. He bothered her. Every time he's alone, will he be thinking about her? Will he ever truly be alone if she is on his mind?

"I understand," she nodded, "I just want our friendship to work so I'll try to give you the space you need. I just hate being alone all the time so I really don't mind if you come in whenever." Sierra felt like there was nothing she wouldn't do to make their friendship work. She eyed him. Even as she started to accept that they were not in a romantic relationship, he still meant everything to her. If she ruined this friendship, she'd be left alone again, which terrified her more than anything else. As they ate together, Cody looked over at her laptop laying on the bed.

"Could you… show me the blogs you run?"

She laughed, "You really want to see them?" Sierra thought this was a test on her; to see how much of a stalker or obsessive fan she really was and to see if he needed to run away from their friendship. She remembered the fans she interacted with and friends she made, all the blogs they ran and the information they collected. Maybe she didn't stand out. She opened her laptop and pulled up a pretty generic but surprisingly popular total drama blog. Cody was shocked to see all the pictures and rumors going around they were being posted by others but what mostly caught his eye was Sierra's inbox.

"You never check your messages?" he asked sarcastically. She bit her lip as she remembered seeing all her different inboxes overflowing the night before. As much of a fan she was at communicating with her peers she was nervous to open her new mail.

"I usually do but…" She hesitated, "I'm worried about getting hate mail. It's one thing to do this kind of stuff online and another thing for casual fans to see it on TV." As unknown to this side of the internet Cody was, he understood what it was like to receive nasty messages from fans. He never really let the messages bother him, as he never responded to them but he wasn't sure how sensitive Sierra was to the idea.

"I mean…" Cody reassured her, "When you're on TV you're going to get at least some weird messages I'm sure. I would just try to ignore them." There was more beyond the surface to the enthusiastic girl he'd come to enjoy. Cody never really considered why she acted the way she did beyond being his fan. Seeing her anxieties considering her father and her messages, it gave him more perspective of her character and made him more curious as to who she really was.

They dropped the idea of opening the mail and she closed out of her account, "Maybe I should delete the blogs," Sierra suggested, "I know you think they're weird. I just don't want to bother you too much with it."

"No-no, you like them. Keep them up." Cody realized how stressing the subject was to her, "Let's find something else to do." His mind felt strained. Why would she delete her blogs for him? She worked hard and spent hours making friends and talking about the things she loved. Why would she throw that away? How stressful was this for her? Being his friend. Sierra started to lift the covers off her and sat up on the edge of the bed, her feet barely touching the floor. He noticed the burn marks on her ankles. Cody nearly forgot about how much pain she was probably in from the accident.

"Hold on one second," Cody stood up, "I think I have crutches somewhere you can use instead." As he left the room, Sierra sat alone in her pain. She didn't realize how much pain she was in until that moment. She had her hair burned off and her arms and legs were covered in burn spots. She was disheartened by her favorite celebrity; someone she spent a good portion of her life admiring. She was pushed out of her home, and potentially had to relive a negative past experience. She hurt the person she truly loved, and doesn't feel like she deserves the effort he's giving her. She sat alone in her pain as she wondered if he'd ever come back. The loneliness was killing her. But Cody did come back with crutches and a first aid kit. She stared at him as he sat on the floor next to her.

"I don't think my legs are broken." She stated as he opened the kit and grabbed self-adherent bandages and a bottle of aloe.

"They could be sprained. But I think the burns might be a bigger issue." As he put aloe in the palm of his hand, he looked at her dainty feet. It was interesting that he'd find himself rubbing medicine on her feet when she was usually the one messing with his feet. She always took care of him… he knew it was time for him to take care of her in a time where she needed it most. He placed small dabs of aloe on her ankles and then wrapped them in the bandages. He noticed her watching him quietly. He smiled at her as he stood up next to her. Her heart took over as he stood there and she grabbed him in an embrace. Cody was shocked as she grabbed him by the abdomen and buried her face into his shirt.

"Thank you… Cody."

They stayed like that for a moment as time stood still. He waited for her to let go before sitting back down on the bed. She sat back under the covers and offered her friend another blanket. As he sat with her, as he brought her food, cared for her injuries, as he hugged her back, she didn't feel alone anymore. But she knew this would hurt her more and more. He grabbed the remote on his side of the bed and looked over at her. He could tell there was pain she was feeling.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked her.

She sighed deeply, "I feel like I've always had a crutch ya know. When I felt alone, I had my mom or my friends online but now I just feel like I don't have any of that. I don't want to rely on you for everything but…I've just been really lonely." Cody understands what it's like to feel alone. As happy as he can get to receive all the money he could ask for, he'd never be able to buy back the attention he barely received from his parents. Some people need more moral support than others and he was all that Sierra had at the moment.

"I might have something for you just a second." She stared at the door as he left the room for the second time. She feared that she would scare him away again. She knew that Cody had come to like a part of her that felt more enthusiastic, a part of her she buried in her anxieties. She didn't want her negative energy to make him uncomfortable. But… What was setting her off? Was it the little gestures he made that made her miss her life back home? Or was it the life online that she feared to share with him? She wanted to feel happy so badly it made her feel worse. She watched as he slowly opened the door.

"I brought you a present." As he opened the door, she saw him carry in a quite large cat and a small black bag. She chuckled as he set the animal down onto the bed before sitting back in his spot.

"I forgot you had a cat!" She laughed as she reached over him to pet the soft animal. He caught himself on the word. Forgot. She knows so much about his life that maybe he doesn't even know about. It didn't feel like it should have. Where she had to find all this information online, he felt like he's known her for years. As if his mind had finally found comfort in their strange introduction and gave him a reason to excuse the behavior.

"Well he just sits on the couch downstairs. I figured if you're lonely he could sit up here with you." He watched her as she gave the cat her affection. Affection he was so used to getting himself. It was the little things that made her happy… and that made him happy.

"I also brought some games and movies if you want. I figured you can just borrow them while you're here." He dumped out the black bag onto the bed next to her. Her vision faded as she looked at the pile of plastic cases. She didn't care what they were, but the gesture was enough for her. She realized that she'd never be alone if someone was thinking about her. If someone loved her as much as she loved them.

"Maybe later we can watch a movie or play a game… right now I think I just need some time to myself."


	4. The Little Room

In the little corner room of the lavish house that sat in the middle of a peaceful neighborhood. That is where she spent time with him. It didn't matter to her what they did, only that they were together. They spent countless hours playing games, watching TV, and taking photos. It'd been weeks… and it still felt heavenly to her. Every morning she waited for his knock and his welcome, knowing they'd get to spend another day together. She loved him. Or… at least this is all what Cody thought.

His stomach turned as he woke up and climbed out of his small bed. He peered through the crack of his bedroom door to look at the closed room at the other end of the hallway. When won't she be there? When can she move back home? Cody couldn't tell if he was going to be happy for her if she left or miserable by the idea. Ever since they left Hawaii, he's been happy in her company. But one day she was going to leave… and the relationship of their friendship would be unknown. As he knocked on her bedroom door, he felt glad. Glad he was able to care about someone that cared so much about him. She welcomed him in and he stayed in the threshold.

"Uh… get dressed." He proposed, "It's a nice day; let's head outside." Sierra watched as he shut the door. She made her way out of bed and started to get ready. She felt excited for the first time in a while. Even though they'd traveled the world together, she found the best moments of her life happening right here. In this little room. She loved the feeling of spending time with someone who wants to spend time with her.

It had been the first time in a while she went down stairs. He waited for her in the hallway to help her get out the door. Out the back door was a small patch of soft grass and a single tree that arched over the quiet yard. Sierra watched from the concrete as he set down a small blanket by the base of the tree. She leaned her crutches up against the house and wobbled over to where he sat.

He smiled as she sat beside him, "You're walking better."

"Maybe." She watched him get out plates and cans of soda from a bag. She felt conflicted. Did he love her? Or was she looking into it too deeply? She looked at him starry eyed.

Cody quickly caught on to her, "It's a lot nicer than staying up in the room all day. I thought we could try eating out here for once." He looked down at the soft grass… then back up at her. A single glace called him back to the day they left Hawaii. He remembered seeing the defeat and loneliness she wore on her face. Being here… with him… she seemed so much happier. She was beautiful.

As they ate, talked and laughed together, a slight breeze cycled through the yard. She laid her head on his lap, falling into him with the wind. As he stared down at the girl with warm eyes, he stroked the hair of her wig and moved it to the other side of her head. He noticed a small patch of dark brown hair growing underneath. She was staring to recover. She was beautiful.

"Be honest; do you still have feelings for me?"

She opened her eyes and lifted her head up, "I don't know if I really had feelings for you in the first place. Not real feelings. I think that's what I've come to understand at least." She looked at her friend. Her celebrity crush and her genuine bond with him felt like they lived on separate planets. It was a whole different world to Sierra. A world she felt most at peace with.

Cody didn't feel satisfied by her response, "How are you feeling about me now then?" It didn't feel right to him. She was supposed to be in love with him. The foot rubs, toothbrush snatching, and tea drinking was in their past… why was he holding it against her? Her affections weren't how they used to be. He was greedy.

She hesitated, "I… I don't think it matters anymore. I don't care if we're friends, I've told you that. I'm happy with whatever happens." He never took his eyes off her. His feelings for her were still unknown… even to him. He'd never bonded so much with anyone before and their past is what helped them grow. But… did he really see himself falling in love with her?

They sat under the tree in the summer breeze. Just the two of them. Her mind and thoughts spilled out of the back of her head as he leaned into her. She felt her heart race, as it has over and over again. She had so much love for him and it was unconditional. She closed her eyes and kissed him back. As they sat under the tree in the summer breeze, she felt euphoric.

He leaned away from her as she sat frozen in the grass. She watched as her hands started to tremble. Like old feelings flooding back but… this time was different. She lifted her hand slowly before having it grabbed by his.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to change you. You're allowed to have feelings. I owe you that." She remained blanked. Why was he doing this now?

She stuttered, "You… don't owe me anything." He knew he was treading into a difficult situation. He cared about their friendship and he didn't want to mess with her emotions as much as he already had. But there was more to their friendship than just the time on the plane; there was more to their friendship than just the time they spent in the little room.

He sighed before smiling back at her, "Well I owed you that anyway. I just want to be historically accurate." She pushed him jokingly and they shared a laugh. As they sat together in the summer breeze. As they laughed, as they ate, as they kissed. The two of them were truly at peace with one another. They shared a moment on the grass naively as they were unaware of the pair of eyes watching them from the small window.

When they were finished eating, they packed up the blanket and food containers. She grabbed her crutches and he helped her back up the staircase. As he followed her and watched her head into the little room, he felt a hand grab his shoulder and pull him back. Sierra turned around and saw his mother motion him away from the door. She closed it slowly and sat on the floor, with her ear against the paneling.

Her heart started pounding as she heard the muffled sound of them talking on the other side of the door. She heard a lot of noise. A single word made its way through the door like a knife to the chest. Stalker. It never bothered her before that people called her that… but this was different. She wanted so badly to give Cody the chance to see more than that. It's a word that will follow her around for presumably the rest of her life. But as long as he didn't mind, she didn't care. She made her way over to the bed and sandwiched her head between a folded pillow. She put her hand on the sleeping cat next to her and waited for the noise to go away. After a couple agonizing minutes, Cody quietly entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry if you heard any of that. I just don't think my parents really understand what's going on."

Sierra lifted her head up and looked at him, "I don't why it bothers me so much. That your parents hate me and that they want me to leave." She sighed and closed her eyes. He was put in a tough situation. As annoyed as his parents were of her unexpected appearance in the house, he couldn't fathom the idea of sending her away. He realized that he needed to be more trusting and honest with her. She'd been very grateful and he wasn't being as genuine as maybe he thought he was.

He sighed, "Yeah, it bothers me too. It's not fair to you to stay in this room all the time." She widened her eyes as she made the realization. She remembered all the times he brought her food, all the games they played and movies they watched on her tiny laptop, the cat that made his home on the living room sofa that was moved into her room, the fact that he welcomed her into the home and told her she never had to go downstairs. Was she not allowed to go downstairs? Was she really that much of an unwelcome guest? Was the place that made her feel the most wanted all a joke? All of a sudden, the little room she loved spending time in felt like a tiny broom closet; suffocated in the space. She wanted badly to collapse but her mind became numb to the defeat.

"I don't want to stay here if I'm not welcome. I don't want to get kicked out of another house."

"No-no. You are welcome here." The idea of her leaving terrified him. He did everything he could to make her comfortable in that room. He did everything he could to try to convince his parents that she was different and she needed him now more than ever. There was one thing that he knew he needed from her to make it better. Something he dreaded asking from her.

"You and I both know what would help my parents understand why you're here." Sierra blanked at the statement. He had been very quiet in regards to the situation with her mother and father. It took a level of trust and vulnerability for her to talk about; a standard she never thought she'd have to hold against him. She was taken back by the idea of sharing her piece with him.

"I-I can't. Not like this."

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. But… would you feel more comfortable if we went somewhere else?" He felt overwhelmingly guilty for trapping her in this room. As happy as they've been in the little room. He never gave her a chance to explore the unfamiliar town. The mere idea of leaving the room, made her intrigued.

"Maybe…"

He stood up and headed to the doorway, "Pack an overnight bag. We can leave shortly." She laughed at the unexpected situation but felt overjoyed as she quickly packed her essentials. Sierra thought about her friendship with him. There was a lot to be thankful for when it came to him. He never had to appreciate her kindness; he didn't have to be her friend. She looked back and realized how miserable she would've been after the show without him. She thought about that first day back in Ontario and how long she would've waited for someone to take her home. Despite any bumpy roads they've been on, and any to come later, their friendship was everything to her. He came back into her room with his own bag to ask if she was ready. As they made their way to the edge of the street, she grabbed him abruptly by the arm.

"Thank you... for everything."


	5. Escapism

He called a cab to take them away from the suburban neighborhood… to take them away from the little room. She felt tingling in her hands and feet. This was finally an adventure for her.

"So… Where are we going?" She chuckled as the trees began to surround the narrowing road. He ignored her question and started digging into his bag. It was strange. Unlike their first car ride together, this silence felt peaceful. Sierra couldn't stop thinking about him. What was he thinking? What's his intention? Where is he taking me? When she caught herself thinking about him… nothing else mattered.

As the dirt road led them into a heavily wooded area, she peaked out the car window. It all seemed kinda familiar. Cabins and tents were placed in spacious rows and several faces surrounded a metal-rimmed fire that glowed in the pale dusk air. The camp was quaint and little, but it was enough to conjure up old feelings. After spending all this time trying to get away, she thought the last thing Cody would want is to be back at a campground.

She followed him to a cabin on the far end of the campgrounds. The cabin was dollish with its knotted pine walls and matching floors. The furniture was musty and simple. The space had a living area with an icebox and thin wooden doors that led into the other rooms. It was not much, but it was perfect for her escape.

After setting down his bags and helping her onto the couch he calmly sighed, "Sorry it's kinda boring. I figured it was better than staying back at the house."

She looked down, "It's not boring if you're here." Cody felt young. He knew why they left the house to begin with. But he knows he doesn't have the maturity to really understand what she was thinking about all this. He wasn't the most skilled person when it comes to understanding girls his age. The only girl he really felt like he understood, Sierra, was someone he's had to rediscover as he becomes a common witness to the emotional strain her offline life has on her.

"Where do we go now?"

She looked up at him curiously, "We… could go outside and light a fire." She knew he was stalling. He wanted so badly to talk to her about what is happening but he doesn't want to pressure her into it. She felt almost annoyed by this blatant hesitance. As he left the cabin to set up the fire, she looked into her bag carefully. She had a natural urge to take care of Cody; a feeling that never changed throughout her time spent with him. She left the cabin and sat next to him in the grass by the breathy fire. After draping a blanket around her, he started to shift uneasily.

He chuckled nervously, "I'm realizing now that I probably should've packed an EpiPen. I didn't really consider sitting outsi-" He paused as she started to laugh. She revealed the medicine she packed with her. He was taken back a bit but joined her in the grass. He looked at her as the dim light of the fire shined on her face. He knew that, despite his promise, there was no way to start over with her. Everything that's happened. Everything that's about to happen. It will always stem back to the show. Everything that happened on the plane has helped him grow. But it's everything that he needs to do now to help her in return.

She looked back at him and pouted, "I know you only brought me out here so we could talk about my parents."

He blanked, "That's... not true. I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to. I think you'll feel better if you do." Cody knew he was unintentionally prying. How could he not? The girl he only knew for so long as his fan. The girl that made him realize that people are more dimensional then he perceived them to be. He remembered his interactions with Gwen, and how little he actually knew about her. How badly he thought he loved her and how objectifying his intentions were. He felt like this was a chance to see Sierra. To see her from a different perspective. To see anyone from a new perspective.

"I- I want to talk about it."

She felt her heart pounding as she stared into the warm embers of the fire. It was something she never found herself saying out loud. It was something she never found herself thinking about. She felt anchored as the pressure settled in. She almost missed being on the plane. She didn't have to think of anything she didn't want to when she was able to indulge in her own escape.

Her eyes fluttered as she exhaled unsteadily, "It wasn't anything warranted he just disappeared one day. I went like… 8 years without seeing or hearing from them." From the day he sat in her quiet bedroom back home, he knew how difficult this all was to her. As she paused, he thought about what he'd remember from that visit.

"Your father and sister?"

"My sisters," She corrected but paled at the thought of her story, "It broke my mom so much. She'd watch Chris so often so she didn't have to think about it anymore."

"So- your dad just showed up again?"

"Maybe a year ago. My mom was so excited to see her long lost kids again- she was blinded. But… I just feel so hesitant about all of it." It took no time for the timeline to add up in Cody's head. He thought about his own life a year ago. It was a year ago that he'd wind up on TV… It'd be a year ago that he'd wind up being her object of affection. Her object of escapism. He thought about all her moments with him and everything she said and did. She became so invested in the lives of these low-profile celebrity teens so she didn't have to become invested in her past problems as they floated back to the surface. All this knowledge weighed down his head. He snapped back as he noticed her tearing up.

He joined her under the blanket and wiped her eyes, "It's okay to feel hesitant about it. You've just been hiding from it for so long." It's been pretty apparent to her how distant she made herself from reality. She always had something. Her mother and all the TV appearances they could find of Chris. The show she fell in love with and the blogs she spent hours on. The admiration and bad crush she developed on Cody. For the first time in a decade, her escapism was a part of her reality. She relied on his friendship to uplift her more than anything. It was him that helped her feel free. Free from the problems she'd set aside and free from the unhealthy habit of escapism. He sighed in relief as she grabbed him and buried her head in his shoulder. His eyes widened at her remarks.

"I'm sorry I ever hurt you…"

"No- don't apologize." He helped her up and led her back inside before putting out the fire. As he left to attend to the fire, Sierra went into the bedroom to change. The boxy room had the same knotted-wood paneling and single bed next to a fold out table with an old TV set on top. All these new places she's been have been so simple and small. It was enough to leave her to dwell in her own feelings and emotions. Her emotions regarding him. She laid on the bed and stared at the thin door. Her feelings towards him were numb. Just the memory of telling him her story felt distant and fake. She wondered about his perception of her and if it had changed. She couldn't understand what her emotions were at the time, only that they were strong and collapsing.

The door creaked open as he stepped into the room, "Were you wanting to head to bed right now?" She looked at her phone to check the time as midnight was slowly approaching. Sleep or the thought of the time hadn't crossed her mind. She looked at him and looked down as she realized the single bedroom only had the one bed.

"Where were you planning on sleeping?"

"The couch." Her mind felt drained. After the whole day. After laying in the grass with him. After discovering the sad truth of her false paradise. After being swept away and laying in the glow of the fire. After sharing her biggest insecurity with someone she'd never thought she would become a part of. The idea of being alone in this unfamiliar room terrified her.

"Just... stay in here." He blanked at the statement. While the two of them had spent lots of time together in that little corner room of the house, he never fathomed spending the night with her. Her mannerisms said it all to him; she felt alone and emotional. As much as he felt like she was suffering, he knew it was for the best as this was only the beginning for her to fall back into a reality. A reality she left behind all those years ago. He lit a candle and joined her on the bed.

"It's okay to be upset about it."

She lifted her head up, "I'm not sad I don't really know how to feel." The dam in her mind holding back everything just wasn't going to last forever. As Cody was the person she trusted most with her feelings, she had the urge to keep him close to her. He strangely felt similar as he watched the girl spill her feelings and insecurities to him. It made him feel mature… something that he felt insecure about. He knew that while she needed him now more than ever, he needed her just as badly.

The candle flickered softly as the pair laid together in the modest cabin. What was meant to become a simple night away… would lead to a moment would be burned in their minds forever. All of their emotions, insecurities, and unknown feelings became too difficult for one of them to bear alone. The interconnectedness of their genuine emotions would become an oasis. The candle flickered softly as the base of their love would unite, like a dream that would've played out in her long-lost fantasies.

The early sun rose as Cody finally accepted the sleepless night. He looked over at her as she peacefully slept before going into the other room. Several thoughts cycled through his mind as he collapsed onto the sofa. He thought about the younger, naive and inexperienced version of himself that existed months before. That existed the very day before. He thought about what that version of himself would be saying to him now. He thought about Sierra and what could possibly be going through her head right now. The thought of her made him feel gross. He felt impulsive and inconsiderate. It was clear that both of them were weak and tired. But he had an obligation to help her. All he did was give her another reason to fall back into escapism one last time. He looked up and the slanted ceiling for a moment before burying his face in his hands.

"I'm only making it worse."


	6. Carrying Weight

She had a lot to be grateful for. As the next few days after the trip would play out, she'd develop a new layer of comfort in her friendship with Cody. He had never stopped meaning the world to her but her view of him changed drastically. He kept Sierra afloat for so long, but now he was keeping her in check as well as she worked on focusing on her own life. Her joy for him only would get better as she'd get an offer she never expected to receive.

"We can sit downstairs if you'd like."

And for the next few days they ate together, laughed together and spent time together in the common area of the house… despite the short glances they'd receive. As they sat together on the sofa on a warm spring morning, she laid her head in his lap. He looked down at her. The thought of what happened at the campsite still polluted his mind. Everything she had confided in him hasn't been mentioned since that night but continued to weigh him down. It eased him to see her happy. Happy with the reality that they were living in together.

She laid in his lap as he held the remote to the large television and scrolled through the programs. A familiar name came up that caused him to freeze. Total Drama: World Tour. As he trembled with the remote, she lifted her head up and looked at him. It was no secret that Total Drama was her favorite show. As much as she would've liked to watch, she dreaded watching any of it with him. She wanted him to move on so badly but a part of her knew. She knew that if he saw what happened back on the plane that old feelings could come flooding back again

She sighed, "Why don't we just go back upstairs." He smiled and went with her into the room. He wanted to be a good confidant to Sierra. He couldn't understand why this was all messing with his head. The thought back to the night they spent together kept making circles in his head. He became so close to her, it felt unreal. He hesitated before sitting next to her on the bed in the more than familiar room.

"I know something is bothering you…"

He stuttered, "Wh-what do you mean?" All this time she spent sharing her feelings with him, she never knew what exactly he was feeling. It was clear to her that he was still not being honest with her.

"I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I've been honest with you." It never really dawned on him that she'd spend a lot of time talking about her feelings but he wouldn't do the same. It never was a very 'manly' or 'cool' thing to do to open up about emotions. But… he didn't want to feel like her therapist at the end of the day. She was more to him than just a patient. But he always felt like he needed an understanding to her behavior. Now that he had one, he wasn't sure how to feel.

"I just…" he hesitated, "I just don't know how honest I've been with myself. Or that I've haven't been acting like myself."

She looked down and smiled, "You've never acted like yourself. You always acted like you'd fit in with the others. Like Trent, or Duncan, or Geoff. You were never honest with yourself about it. Are you acting like yourself now for the first time?" There were times like this when Cody would forget. Sierra truly loved him. And she was someone who knew more about him than he even did. She'd be the one to know about all the days he spent at school, befriending those who made him look better by comparison. She understood him.

She continued, "You know, I think I liked you more than the others because of it. I kinda feel the same way." He remembered the blogs and the way they made her feel. It was the only thing that made her fit in and gave her false confidence in herself. The stars aligned in his mind as he realized that he was meant to meet her for a reason. As it looked like she'd be the only person that'd understand him, he became the only person in her life that understood her struggles.

"I think hearing your story made me realize that…" He watched her as she stretched out on the bed and looked up at him. It was clear to Cody that he'd never had a friendship like the one he's created with her. A friendship that meant more to him than any other. As he thought about their relationship, he remembered the night at the campsite again. How important it was that he helped her cope in a way her fantasies couldn't. He felt weakened by his own bad decisions and his lack of maturity in the situation. No 17-year-old would really know how to solve a problem like this, but he knew it wasn't one Sierra could solve alone.

He sighed, "After hearing about everything with your parents… I just feel bad. Like I contributed to your problem." It was clear to her that the problem was mutual. As he carried the weight of her recovery, she carried the weight of guilt. He didn't deserve to get dragged into this, did he? But she knew that no other person in her life could understand her as much as he could.

"It's not your fault... I was projecting and you didn't deserve that. I guess I just wanted what they didn't have."

"No, you wern-" He caught himself as he remembered going to Niagara Falls with Chris and the others. He looked at Sierra as he remembered how much the whole wedding theme meant to her. The marriage of her own parents had fallen to pieces… maybe she was projecting onto him. As annoying as it was to him at the time, he never realized how touchy the subject was to her. She wanted something she was never able to get from anyone else.

"Is that why you wanted to get married so badly? I know you wanted a perfect marriage and I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you."

She laughed, "I don't care about that anymore. I think you just made me really happy. Before we met. I thought it'd be the same way on the show but it wasn't." Her being happy has always been Cody's goal. He helped her sit up before pulling her into an embrace. He wasn't able to think. It was the story of the girl that stalked him of all things. He never once considered what was going through her head while they were on the plane. Now… he couldn't stop thinking about it. How badly was she really broken up every time he'd cast a vote against her? Was she tearing herself up inside when he'd say harsh things to her or make cold gestures? It'd been on his mind for days.

He let go of her and stood up off the bed, "Let's not worry about it right now. We can go back downstairs if you want." She smiled and followed him down the staircase. The two of them spent most days together just to enjoy each other's company. She found a new layer of comfort in their friendship as they were both bearing the weight of the struggle Sierra had found herself in. While she knew that she needed to better herself alone, it calmed her that she had him to support her and understand her. She loved their friendship. She loved it more than she loved him as a celebrity.

As the sun started to set, Cody sluggishly walked into his own room and sat on the bed. His heart pulsated heavily as he sat in the silence of his thoughts. The more he thought about Sierra the more he knew he'd be second-guessing himself. It wasn't an easy choice. The silence faded as his mind would loop through everything that's happened. He thought about the girl he'd met on the plane. Stealing his toothbrush and underwear, touching his feet while he slept and making assumptions that they were married when it discomforted him. Then he thought about the girl he'd met at the other end of the hallway. How she'd lay with him in the warm breeze, how she'd talk very openly with him and how she made an effort to understand and respect him. He was almost in disbelief with his own opinions.

He stayed hunkered in his own room until the night settled in. A simple piece of notebook paper he tore loosely from a spiral-bound book would hold him up for hours. It was one sentence written at the top that made him question everything he ever knew about himself. He spent all this time wondering what to write after it but he realized that it was all he really wanted to say in that moment. His door creaked slowly as he snuck into the hallway and wandered to the door on the other side. It tensed him that she was only meters away and that the faint light of her computer shined through the edges of the door. He exhaled quietly before slipping the note under the crack of the door and hurrying back to his side of the hallway. The sound of the door to that little room opening and closing shortly after made him realize there was no turning back anymore.

_"I think I love you…"_


	7. Left Behind

The air was still in the quiet room. Only the sound of his phone echoed across his bedroom walls. A ring, and then a pause. He held the phone to his face as he nervously awaited to do something, he should've done a long time ago. A ring and then a pause. As he waited for the other line to pick up, he knew in his heart that this was the appropriate next step for him. For them.

"Gwen… I was just calling to say, I'm sorry…"

He left his bedroom in the early afternoon to find Sierra at the bottom of the stairs looking at the bright screen of her cellphone while the cat made circles by her feet. Her. Just the sight of her was enough to fluster him as the thought of what happened the night before had been keeping him restless. For the past month, she was the only thing he ever really thought about. And the shoe was on the other foot for the first time, as he had found himself falling for her unconditionally.

She noticed him from the story above and smiled, "You slept in late…" He gripped onto the railing as he looked back at her. He needed to find a place to talk with her immediately. Somewhere they could be alone. Somewhere she would feel at peace.

"You… want to go for a walk with me?"

She just nodded as she let out a chuckle. He grabbed a picnic blanket before meeting her at the bottom of the stairs. They left the suburban house without a thought or plan in mind. Just the two of them, on a walk to wherever their fate would lead them. She grabbed onto his hand and let him take her away.

Just on the other side of the suburbs was a small park with a narrow concrete path surrounded by trees and colorful playground equipment. She watched as Cody walked ahead of her and laid down the blanket under an overarching tree away from the path. This all felt like a weird dream to her. She smiled to herself as she remembered scrolling through her blogs when the note slid under the door. It took a lot out of her to believe that the note was real and truly from him. Why? Why did he decide now after all this time?

As she sat on the blanket with him, she laid her head in his lap as she had many times before. He felt warm looking down at her. He felt warm just being close to her. He couldn't think straight when he looked at her. The pink shade of falling in love was still blurring his vision.

"Well… I'm sorry how I went about all this. I just needed you to know… I love you. I've loved you for a while. I just didn't know it until now." Just the sound of it brought tears to her eyes. He loved her. In all the times she spent daydreaming over her celebrity crush, she never imagined it would lead her to this moment. It was euphoric. The past month has been nothing but surreal to her.

She shifted to look up at him and chuckled, "It's funny, all this time we've spent together I've been trying to get over you…"

He hesitated for a moment, "If anything, that just proves to me that you've been dedicated to our friendship." She reached out and stroked her fingers down his jaw.

"You're such a lover-boy anyway."

He laughed and then smiled, "I don't think I've ever been in love before. Lust isn't love and I didn't know the difference until now… because you taught me how to love." She felt touched by his attitude and his words. It had been a very long time since she'd felt loved. And even though this should have been a triumphant moment for Sierra, she still felt uneasy. Something was off for her. As her phone buzzed in her pocket, the reality of it set back in.

"I care a lot about you. I just..." She looked out into the park and saw a pair of young girls playing with their father on the other side of the pavement. It brought her back to the last time she loved. She loved her sisters and playing with them out behind their old shabby house. She loved her father and the times he would read and sing her to sleep. She loved her parents' marriage and remembered dreaming of wanting something just like it. She loved her life before it got pulled out from under her. She loved… and it hurt her in the end. Falling in love, and the realistic thought of it terrified her. _Would I ever dare love again?_ As she lifted her head up, she collapsed onto his shoulder.

"I can't have my heart broken again. I don't want to get left behind."

He embraced her in an attempt to comfort her. Nothing could be said as he had already helped her the best way he could. By understanding. As she tightened her grip into his back, he felt her pain resonate within him. He kissed the side of her head before resting his head on her shoulder. She was everything to him. And he wanted nothing more than to be there for her.

He pulled her off of him and made eye contact with her, "I can't make everything perfect. Just know that you're so loved. I'll always be here." She exhaled and smiled back at him starry-eyed.

He stood up and reached out a hand, "There's a café just down the path a bit, let me buy you lunch." She grabbed onto his hand and he helped her stand up. She never took his little gestures for granted. As she watched him pack up the blanket, she felt her phone buzz once again. She stared down at her pocket when Cody finally appeared next to her.

"It's this way." She smiled and they continued on the path again.

The two of them reached the edge of the city where the small coffee shop intersected a busy road. The shop was small but warm with plants surrounding the doorway and iron chairs pushed up to square tables. He pulled out a chair for her before heading up to the counter. As she sat alone, staring out the window, her mood shifted with the continuing buzz from her cell phone. It was inevitable. She blanked while looking at the white light of the screen.

"Someone texting you?" Cody noticed as he sat down next to her and handed her a glass. She felt the table stretch out as she looked up at him. She stared at the phone, then stared back at him. While she knew that he would eventually notice, she never wanted to break his heart like this.

"My mom… she hates that I'm here. She's been begging me to move in with him. She wants to come and get me this weekend." When it came to the discussion of Sierra moving away, he never touched on it. Everything he's done for her… what would become of it? Just hearing her mention it made him feel sick. Was this the end?

"We don't have to talk about it now." She watched him take a drink from his glass. As she reached for her own, her hands started to tremble. The topic still hovered over the table drearily. The little room, the cat she befriended, the backyard with the little tree… him. Her life with him would vanish and she'd feel lost all over again. Left behind as she was all those years ago. She reached over the table and grabbed his hands.

"I don't want to live without you…"

He sighed, "Me neither." It wasn't long until they received their food and started to eat. She sat quietly and ate while her phone continued to buzz on the table. They both made glances at it. All it'd take is one text, and their time together would end. As she sat and ate quietly trying to ignore the concern, he continued to stew over it. The entire time they sat in the café he never stopped thinking about how to make it right for her. He loved her… and he wasn't going to let her go for anything.

They ate lunch in the little coffee shop and headed back to the suburbs. The wind was heavy and pushed against them as they left the city. He made awkward glances around the narrow path as she talked on the phone the whole walk back. The voice on the other line was just as audible to him. He listened curiously to the conversation as it had both nothing and everything to do with him. It didn't matter though. Words are meaningless. No one was taking her away from him. By the time her conversation ended they were in the front yard of the house where Sierra collapsed into the grass.

He sat down beside her, "I know you're annoyed…"

"I don't know why she thinks me staying there will make everything better. Nothing will negate the fact that he left me behind…" She stared up into the sky where dark clouds started to form in the distance. She thought of her own dark clouds and the fact that she's never felt their rain before. The umbrella of escapism that she's been hiding under for years will never make the rain completely go away. But she didn't want to hide anymore. She just wanted to see the sunshine again.

He sighed as she sat up beside him, "But what if I go with you?"

"What-"

"I won't let you go alone. If your mom is forcing you to go and is picking you up this weekend, she'll have to take me too." The idea of going at all terrified her. This was more than just a little gesture from him. It was true proof of his love. Being loved and cared about wasn't something she was used to. But his love was worth lifetimes to her.

In a moment of blindness, she leaned over to him. The roaring of the thunder wasn't enough to alarm them as they shared a kiss in the grass. Every moment she's with him, she always remembers how good she has it. As the rain started to pour down onto them, she realized she had seen the sunshine or at least glances of it between the clouds. He was her everything, her happiness, her understanding, her love… there would be no sunshine at all without him.

"I'm never leaving you behind."


	8. Temptation

The next few days would feel like short hours to Sierra. As she made an effort every second to stop and appreciate all the little things she loved about the lavish house, the thought of the inevitable still lurked in the air. It calmed her knowing that just on the other side of the hallway was someone that loved her and continued to stay by her side. As she spent the next few days packing her bags, she knew it wasn't the end.

"Are you ready to go?"

The sound of a horn in the driveway was the alarm. Was her time really up? The two of them packed their luggage and said their goodbyes as they made their way out of the neighborhood, they once called home. Cody looked back at his childhood home until it was out of sight. He then looked over at Sierra as she tugged on the seatbelt quietly and shuffled her feet. Her feelings and fears started to resonate with him as he was aware of the mental weight this has had on her. A simple month ago he wouldn't have known how deep emotions like this can be. A month ago, he wouldn't have known he'd care.

"Sierra…" He paused as she looked over at him, "Are you okay?"

"I'm not the best but… it'd be a lot worse if you weren't here."

It warmed his heart to know that he made the best decision. It may have disrupted his whole world, leaving his home behind, but he felt truly at home when he was with her. This was a new adventure for the both of them. They spent the majority of the car ride making pleasant small-talk with each other and Sierra's mother. He found it interesting as this would be his first time interacting with her and how it wasn't supposed to be like this. The air in the backseat was still heavy with Sierra's annoyance of the entire situation.

Time slowed as the car pulled into a dirt driveway of a ragged house surrounded by tall trees. She felt her body lock as the fear of it all started to set in. This unfamiliar place became the beacon of all the things she once feared. Her emotion drained from her as she lifted herself out of the car and stood numb in the driveway. She stared at the cottage drearily as he unpacked their bags out of the trunk.

He walked up the driveway and stood next to her, "It's okay…" She stood deafened as the sound of the car driving off had her attention. The sound of being stranded. Her arms started to shake as she pulled him into her chest. It startled him as it always had but felt content in her arms. He stood with her and let nothing happen for a moment. It wasn't about him anymore… it was never about him. After she let go of him, she walked up to the front door as Cody peaked through a small rounded window of the garage. The door mocked her as she lifted her fist up to knock.

"No one is here," Cody called out as he made his way over to the door, "I didn't see a car or anything." She sighed in relief and timidly opened the door. The house seemed simple yet cozy with a large fireplace surrounded by chairs and a fur rug. The house lacked an upstairs and had a narrow hallway adjacent to the living room. She felt claustrophobic as she stepped down the crooked hallway. The sight of a small yellow post it not loosely attached to the handle of a door caught her attention and she waved him over quickly.

"I guess he was expecting us today…" He pondered as he tore off the note with her name loosely scribbled on it. As she opened the door, she was surprised by the tidiness of the room. A patch made quilt draped over the iron-framed bed and feathered curtains covered the windows that looked out behind the house.

He set their bags down by the edge of the bed and looked back at her, "Well, what side of the bed do you want?" She chuckled as she laid down on the bed and he followed. She watched the tulle curtains blow softly in the breeze as they laid in the bed together of the unfamiliar house. It almost felt like a fantasy. It was everything she wanted, everything she let go and everything she ended up getting. She wrapped her arms around him and they shared a kiss in the sun-lit room.

"When are you going to tell me you love me?"

She chuckled, "When I'm ready." When she looked at him, she blanked as to where she was and why she was there. None of that mattered when she was able to get lost in him. She laid with him in an oasis of their own, just the two of them. But her paradise collapsed as the sound of a car pulling into the shabby garage alarmed them both.

"Uhh…" Sierra hesitated, "I should probably get going." She quickly walked out of the room leaving him behind. He stared at the closed door for a moment, wondering if she needed him to follow. At the end of the day, it wasn't his battle. He could love and support all he wanted but this was something that never involved him. He thought he might as well relax while he sat in this strange room and looked over the bed at his bag on the floor. That's when he saw it…

Cody couldn't help himself. The mere reflection of the laptop poking out of Sierra's bag blinded him as he stared over the bed at it. He carefully lifted the computer onto the bed and felt ashamed as he opened it. The computer was left unlocked as he saw the spam of tabs and bookmarks placed on her web browser. He never liked to talk to her about her blogs and forums. While the conversation of it made her uncomfortable, he couldn't help but feel curious. How would she find all this information? Where did she know to look? He clicked on the first tab and saw a private chat between her and Izzy.

"Oh right…" He thought, "Izzy was giving her leaks." It was strange how he forgot that while Sierra was spreading all this information, it was Izzy who was providing her with it. His heart sank a little thinking back to the others, as well as himself, always judging her while another one of their friends was equally to blame. As he looked at the messages further, he noticed that Sierra had sent her a message just a week ago.

"Thanks for all the help! I don't need you to send me anything anymore."

The next tab that caught his eye had his face as the icon. He shielded his eyes while clicking down on the tab. It was far too strange for him to go back and remember her as the fan she was… and it pained him to wonder if she still behaved like that towards him online. He slowly lifted his hand away from his face and… nothing. A 404-error glared back at him as he stared into the bright screen. Did she delete them for him? Or did she decide to move on for herself? He clicked away onto another account and saw another web page open about himself. It seemed to be set up by a separate server and had moveable boxes with info cards and community polls. Information like his name, birthday and hometown were all available on the site. Being considered famous still felt weird to him; that people cared so much about knowing this information. He scrolled down and noticed a comment section underneath, though he didn't see any from Sierra. There were hundreds of other comments left by hundreds of other fans.

"...I wonder."

He paused for a moment as he faintly heard the sound of the girl he loved talking from the other end of the house. She was always on his mind. He typed her name into the search bar on the same website and found her easily. Surly enough, information like her full name and birthday were plastered on the screen. He beamed as he realized her birthday wasn't too long from then. So, he wouldn't forget, he grabbed his phone and promptly marked it down in his calendar. Though... his mood would fade as he scrolled down to look at the comments. He struggled to find a positive comment about the girl he'd fallen in love with. It almost broke his heart reading what others had to say. He signed in his full name and email to leave a positive comment of his own.

He sighed as he closed the computer before putting it back where he found it. It felt weird going through Sierra's private life, something she tried to keep away from him. He proceeded to empty the clothes out of both bags and place them in the wooden dresser at the foot of the bed. He thought about her and how she probably felt a year ago looking through all those forums and message boards. The kind of empty happiness she'd receive from looking into the lives from others and interacting with other fans. It was a kind of happiness he never wanted for her… for them. For he had seen her truly happy. He sat on the hardwood of the bedroom floor as she quietly opened the door and stared down at him.

"Oh…" She sighed, "Thank you for doing that."

"No problem." He was tempted to ask about her father and what he said to her when she stepped out of the room. As curious as he could have been about the situation, he knew that what really mattered was making sure she was safe and happy. He started to stand up when he noticed a small paper booklet sticking out of his bag.

"Oh, right there was another thing." He smiled as he buried his hand in his bag and pulled out a small picture book, "I remembered in your room back home you had these little pictures around the walls, I thought we could tape up some pictures here too." He handed her the book and she lifted the cover up cautiously. She was surprised to see every photo they'd taken from the past month nicely printed on card stock. Every little moment she was able to capture. They were the best moments of her life. She closed her eyes and held the little book up to her chest.

"It's a nice idea, but I think I just want to keep them in this book if that's okay."

"Book's yours." Her heart was full as she kissed him on the forehead. He was her confidant. And she knew nothing would be possible without him…

The light of the moon glistened through the curtains as she sat up in the bed, slowly flipping through the little picture book, staring at the pages for hours. She looked over at him, curled up in the bed and deep into sleep. She never felt like she never deserved him and was indebted to him for his behavior. Every little thing he did spoke for lifetimes as she's never felt this love before. It made her want to open her heart for others and love more. It made her feel like she could love again. She closed the book and reached over for her computer.

The blogs, the chats rooms, and the forums. They became a temptation. She didn't have a care for the other contestants but being able to post about them felt like a normalcy. A routine born from an escape. As the screen booted up, she noticed the open tabs were messed with. More particularly a tab which once was a fan site for him, was now on a page about her. The idea that a fan site about her even existed was baffling as she was normally the one on the other end of the screen; but this would be the first time she'd see herself on both ends. She scrolled down and noticed the hurtful comments and while it was something she feared to acknowledge, she felt numb seeing them for the first time. It was only then when she noticed a beaming little comment that warmed her heart as she knew, it was him. She felt like she didn't deserve him, but the joy he got from loving her was everything she ever wanted for him.

"I'm her number one fan."


	9. In My Dreams

The curtains fluttered in the warm spring air as the reflection of the sunlight shined over her. She slowly opened her eyes and looked over at the empty spot next to her in the iron-framed bed. Sierra enjoyed every moment of every morning. He would always knock on the white paneled door and bring her breakfast. Some days he would take her away as they explored the polished suburban neighborhood she’d grown to love. Some days they just spent together in the little corner room of the house. A bedroom that felt more like her own than the one she grew up in. As she waited for him to knock on the paneled door, she glanced at the tulle curtains flying above her. Her eyes widened. She wasn’t in the little room anymore.

“Are you awake yet?” The sound of the door creaking open startled her. He was a sight she always wanted to see. But the air of the room felt heavy on her as she dreamed of being somewhere she loved. She remembered the first time he introduced her to his childhood home and the sinking feeling of moving into his house that guilted her. She longed for it again. 

She nodded at him quietly as he walked over to the bedside. They traded places and she started to get dressed Anything to get her out of this house. Away from here. Just alone with him again. He sat up on the edge of the bed and recognized her discomfort and confusion as he rubbed his palms against his temples. His head ached from the moment he first stepped out of bed. But he knew that his pain would only make hers worse. 

Cody broke the awkward silence of the room as he watched her from the edge of the bed, “I talked to you dad for a bit before he went to work.” 

She paused and looked back at him, “What did he say to you?” The thought of it both frightened and intrigued her. The person in her life that made her forget how to love and the person that showed her the love she longed for. It all felt like a crazy dream. Never in a hundred year would she want Cody near him. But her hands were tied as it was something she could no longer control.

“It’s not important…” They walked out into the narrow hallway quietly and headed into the small kitchen. It didn’t matter what he said to her anymore. She struggled to fight off her frustration with him. The air in the little cottage made her tense. She longed for their life back.

“It might not be important to you but it’s important to me.”

He laughed, “I guess I shouldn’t have said anything then. Don’t worry so much.” He knew she was out of her element completely. He was so far from the girl he met months ago on the plane it felt like he was dealing with an entirely different person. The continuous urge to hide from her reality was apparent to him.

“I just…” She sighed, “Just don’t tell him anything personal about me if you’re going to talk with him.”

“Listen,” She froze as the tone in his voice shifted, “I’m not here to help you mend your relationship with your dad… I’m here to mend your relationship with me. All of that, it has nothing to do with me. I’m only here to support you.” She stared back at him for a moment in shrill silence. Realizing that she didn’t want him here. He was the person she always would escape to and this house was the place she tried to escape from. How she longed to go back and continue to build the relationship she truly loved. With someone she knew loved her back. Why was she here in the first place?

“It’s funny because I don’t really know if I’ll want my dad in my future… but… I know I want you to be there.”

“Well, that’s completely up to you.” She knew how he felt. His heart and his everything was on the table already. It confused him how she hesitated to grab it. For the girl that he learned to understand and give all his love to, he’d be patient.

They sat and ate together quietly in the strange kitchen. The ceiling lamp swinging above them was the only sound in the room as it creaked repeatedly. He made glances at her and wondered if she was still happy around him. If she still felt the same. The squeaking of the lamp rang through his ears. They sat and ate together as he waited for her to break the silence. 

After they finished eating, she sighed, “I wish we had somewhere to go. I’m tired of being in this house…” Cody perked up at the idea. He looked out the small window at the trees behind the house.

“Well I guess he told me one important thing,” He motioned to a sliding door that led out to a clean wooden deck, “I’ll show you…”

She followed him out of the glass sliding door into the back yard. The jagged leaves scratched against her calves as they stepped into the dark tree-covered unknown far behind the house. The density of the trees was broken from a simple shift of a branch. The sun beamed over a wide river that ran through the patchy woods. He stepped carefully down the slope to reach the edges of the water. A netted rope hammock was tied around the leaning trees that curved over the river. He made his way over and into the hammock and watched as she followed. The soft breeze from the flow of the river blew over them as they laid together again.

“I wish we could just go back to your house again.”

“Me too…” Cody didn’t know how long everything would last. He thought about all the time he’d stare at the white paneled door from across the hallway. The idea of her not being with him was painful. But at some point, he’d have to go home again. Not another soul on the earth would be able to understand how much the past month meant to him. It was a paradigm shift for both of them. The pounding in his head continued and he felt a strange trembling in his hands. Just being close to her made everything okay.

The sound of the running river kept the peace as they swung in the hammock slowly. Her thoughts flowed with the heavy waters. The desire of her escapism kept pulling her back to the seafloor. He was the only thing keeping her afloat. Just knowing he was there to love and support her made her want to stay in her reality. Maybe she really was in love with him. They laid in the warm sun for what felt like hours. Swaying in the breeze of their temporary bliss.

As they stepped out of the hammock and back into the step edges of the ground, she grabbed him by arm, “Thank you for being here…” 

“Always.”

While Cody made his way up back up the hill she froze by the edge of the water as the flow of the river brushed against her feet. The sun glistened over the area as a terrestrial paradise. It was eye-catching while she wondered what it was like on the other side. She sat on the pine-covered ground and let her legs lay in the streaming river. The sound of tussling leaves caused him to look back and see the same paradise. He joined her by the edge of the river, keeping his knees up out of the water. His legs felt weighted and his head continued to throb relentlessly. 

She looked over at him concerningly, “You look pale…”

“Don’t worry about it. What’s going on with you?” The last thing he needed was to make Sierra worry more. He thought back to when they used to stay in the little room all day. How he took care of her and gave her a set of crutches. He wished it was that easy now. As badly as he wanted to take her far away from this house, he knew it would only hurt her more. They sat together alone in their pain.

She looked over at him and sighed, “I just feel like, anywhere I go, I’ll just keep hiding. I thought staying offline would help but I just always find something else.”

“I mean… It’s been like this for a long time. It’s not going to just go away overnight.” What feels like a lifetime ago, he too used to be an object in her escapism. And while he’s become an everyday part of her life, the line was still blurred for her. What would happen if he wasn’t here to help her? Would she fall all the way back in again? Would he become that object again? He felt relieved to be close to her.

“I don’t want you to think I’m not here.”

He laughed, “You know by now I understand what you're going through.” It warmed her heart that no matter how hard she struggled to stay out of the dark, that he was there to guide her through it. For all of her life, she never had felt as wanted as she had in the past month with him. It made her want to be better. She felt the water running over her legs and it quickly flowed through the river. How much time has she wasted? Staring into a television or computer screen, documenting and sharing pointless information about people she barely cared about, worshiping a celebrity that treated her terribly. She knew she could never get that time back.

“I just don’t want to waste my life away anymore.” He grabbed her hand in an attempt to comfort her before helping her up off of the scratchy ground. She leaned over and kissed his forehead. The pain in his face numbed for a moment. She really was the cure for him. His maturity, his empathy, his reason to love and understand. They all came from just spending time with her. They journeyed back to the house and into their room where they sat together on the iron-framed bed. She looked up at the tulle curtains that draped over the long window. She felt comfortable in her new room for the first time.

“Sorry I got mad earlier…”

He chuckled, “You weren’t mad. Maybe just annoyed. But I get it.” She smiled as she reached out her hand to stroke the side of his face. She had everything. For the past month, she would’ve just wanted to run away with him and start anew. Away from the families that never loved them. But she knows he makes her stronger. While the temptation of escapism still tries to drag her back to the dark, she’s for the first time found a reason to stay in the light. For the very first time, she’s found her purpose to keep fighting.

“I could never do this without you.”


	10. Midnight

They became comfortable in the strangest of places. In weeks of them staying in the cottage, they found something better than a solution. It was a paradigm shift she didn’t know she needed. Her family, her true family wasn’t something she could fix. It was what she found in him. The love, comfort, and support they provided each other; it was that that made them family. They became comfortable in a strange man's home but it was here where she found her true happiness. Her true family.

The sky fell dim on the special eve. They rarely had the small cottage to themselves and made the most of the precious time. Cody glanced at the clock before joining her on the couch in the living room. While she laid her head in his lap his vision faded. He gazed into nothing for a moment while the pain caught up with him. The intermittent throbbing in his head had traveled throughout his body and into his brain. An addict to the love he felt for her. When the high went away the pain consumed him again, each time stronger than the last. How much longer would the pain last? He felt confused and bothered. Irritated and alone. He glanced over at the clock once again.

She stared up at him and smiled, “What are we watching?”

“Oh,” He looked back over and hesitated as the remote trembled in his hand, “Why don’t you pick something.” She felt his legs shake beneath her head. The odd behavior frightened Sierra. An ongoing fear of scaring him away. She sat in his lap and wondered if she’d done anything wrong. Was their relationship really back to square one? The pain he felt was blind to her as he never let her see.

“Hey,” Sierra lifted her head up and put her hand on his shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry about it…” He glanced back at the clock and put his hand over his jeans pocket. All Cody wanted was to return a great favor. When he first opened up to her in Drumheller, he never expected to feel the way he does now when he’s with her. He’d never known love before this, but it almost felt like an understatement. No amount of pain or discomfort could ruin the perfect moment for him. The only moment he’d have to return the favor. He wanted to see her face light up as he would reveal the surprise once the clock struck twelve.

She chuckled, “Of course I’m going to worry about it! You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Please Sierra, the last thing I need is you worried. Let’s just forget about it.” What was he on about? It was an instinct for her to take care of him. The moments she spent with him on the plane looped through her head. An unwanted affection. Unwanted care. Maybe she was overthinking it. Is this a cry for help? Or is she harping on him again? The thought of scaring him away terrified her, but in her heart, she knew something was wrong about this...

“I’m not gonna let you go on like this…”

Her eyes widened as he raised his voice, “It’s not about you, okay?” He got up and sat in the corner of the room and stared up at the clock again.  _ Not like this please please not like this.  _ His body wanted to collapse into the carpet. He wanted it all to end. When the clock strikes twelve, he loses the game. A special day. Was it going to be ruined by his inability to control himself? Would the pain consume the one moment he really needed? The special day he’d waited weeks for. He sat in the corner of the room and waited for the pain to go away. Sierra quietly walked over to him and kneeled down beside him on the ragged carpet.

She wrapped her arms around him as they faced the dark wall, “... Why are you yelling? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look well. Please just come lie down.” She helped him back onto the couch and laid his head in her lap. The room fell quiet as he let her stroke the side of his face. His eyes felt weak and his vision blurred. All he wanted was to feel ecstasy in her company. He wanted the life they had in the little room back. A feeling of being comfortable together. It bothered him that the only thing holding them back was him. When he looked up at her he saw a goddess; like he’d been pulled out of the water. All he could think about was how happy he wanted her to be. How happy he wanted them to be.

“I love you.”

She leaned down and kissed his forehead as they continued to lay together on the sofa. Nothing in the world mattered to her. All the fond memories of watching and listening to him through a screen faded as all she cared about was him. Her heart ached for him but wanted him to feel loved in this moment of unknown pain.

She shut the TV off and they sat in the dimly lit room. The clock laughed in his face as the minute hand inched towards the top. There was nothing that could be done anymore. He laid defeated in her arms as he felt his brain spinning around in his head. What’s the point of fighting alone anymore?

He lifted his shaky hand slowly up to her face and whispered to her between breaths, “I don’t think I’ve been eating well.”

She stared back at him worryingly, “You need to eat! Why don’t you go grab a chocolate bar from the fridge or something? Maybe you’re not eating enough sugar.”

She helped him stand up and he stared drearily back at her from the threshold into the kitchen, “You’re right… I’m gonna grab something to eat.”

He looked back into the living room through the wooden arch. He didn’t have to see her face for those feelings to blossom again. His mind was racing. The cupboard door swung open and his vision went blurry. The earth was spinning much too fast. Was he on the plane again? Back in his childhood home? Under a tree in the park or in the coffee shop on a windy day? Was he sitting by a campfire in the park grounds or laying on the bed in the tidy guestroom of his home? When he felt down, she always brought him back up. Her. The thought of her. Her image made circles in his head. His mind was racing. When he looked back through the arch, he saw nothing. Why was he feeling this way? His mind was racing. Everything felt insufferable. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear, he could barely breathe. His mind was racing. His only thought was her. He looked back for her. Where was she again? His mind was racing as the clock struck twelve. His mind was racing and racing and racing and racing and racing and racing and racing andracingandracingandracing… until it stopped. The sound of a thud caught her attention as she snapped her head around and looked into the empty kitchen.

“...Cody?”

A scream to a horrific sight. She knelt to the floor and put her hand on his chest as he lay unconscious. _What have I done?_ There was so much time. So many tears. So many heartaches. He helped her so much. Why couldn’t she help him back? Why did this have to happen? She lifted his head off the tile floor and into her lap as she reached for her phone. A call for help as this was the one thing they couldn’t solve alone. Tears ran down her face as they laid on the cold ground. She knew he loved her. It felt backwards to her. As much as she loved him before, she knew that it wasn’t real love. An obsession with an icon that he became. It was a fight to suppress that feeling. The friend she found in him versus the icon she adored. Tears ran down her face as she realized she really did love him. She sat with him in the quiet for what felt like years. When the sound of sirens blared through the window and the door bursting open, she fell numb.

They found her muttering to him on the tile floor as if he was able to listen. Her body froze as he was pulled from her arms and lifted up off the tile floor. Everything he’s ever said to her scrolled through her mind. Everything she’s ever wanted to say to him. The person in her life who made her feel whole. The person she felt like she could spend her entire life with. He was ripped away and taken out of sight. She stared out the front window and watched the ambulance pull out of the driveway as the last thing she said to him still looped in her head. 

“I should’ve told you sooner.”


	11. Try to See it My Way

The sun peeked over the horizon as the dim sky shined through the parted curtains. It was quiet in the small room. Just the two of them. The pulsating of machinery echoed the walls as he started to rise. Cody slowly opened his eyes and saw her standing above him. A goddess. As the dawn sun shined above Sierra, he felt euphoric. It made him forget where he was for a moment. He looked up to the window above his head as he noticed the draining in his body. The thought of what had happened the night before. The thought of where he was at the moment. As he noticed the needle pressed to his arm, he felt sick. He messed up.

“Are you awake,” she asked him softly, “Doctor said you'd be feeling better this morning. “He nodded back quietly. Her voice warmed him. As he sat up in the small cot, time felt slow. Everything had come to a halt. For the first time since they returned to Canada, the high was gone. But strangely, he was fine with this. This was life. As he sat up, he realized that the nirvana of their love wouldn’t keep him floating forever, and that’s okay. She’s still here.

“Sierra…” She kneeled by the bed and got close to his face. Her cold hand gently caressed his cheek as he lost himself in her gaze. She leaned close to the side of his face to whisper to him.

“You are such an idiot.”

They both chuckled before he mumbled back to her, “I messed up, didn’t I?”

She looked back at him nervously, “I just want you to be safe and healthy. Please tell me you’re not doing this because of me.” Her. The time and energy he’s put into her. He thought back to when they first arrived at the small cottage far away from his home. He thought back to how reborn it made him feel. His life before faded into a forgotten memory as the gaps in his heart were filled by her company.

“I think I just got caught up in everything. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry.”

She leaned over and kissed his forehead, “Don’t be sorry.” She sighed in relief as she’d been where he was now. Her mind was once polluted what felt like a long time ago. Watching on a small screen, taking notes, and typing away on her computer. She remembers sitting by the telephone to get in touch with anyone she could and the feeling of nothingness it gave her. Her heart ached as she realized the person that saved her was struggling just the same. As she brooded over this, she looked up at the small window and noticed the sun parting on the horizon. It was a new day for her. A new day to them. She wanted nothing more than to look forward and leave behind all the bitter memories she had harvested over the years.

As Sierra fell silent, he jolted upward in the small cot, “Oh no.” Cody let everything sink in. The night before. The old clock on the cottage walls and how closely he waited for this day to come. He really blew it as it was something he had looked forward to for a long time. His intentions for love became a burden of stress for them. As he nervously looked around the small room, he’d caught her attention.

“Something wrong?” As he looked back at her, he remembered what this was really all about.

He sighed… as he had finally given up, “You know what, it’s funny. On my birthday you got injured and now that it’s your birthday, I get taken to urgent care.”

She laughed in disbelief, “What?” Was it really her birthday? She’d lost a sense of time and couldn’t even remember the last time she thought about her own birthday. It had always been just another day to her. Just the thought that he took the time to remember warmed her heart. It was an interesting anomaly. While something so simple as celebrating a birthday was common, his gesture came from a true act of love.

“I could never forget.”

Her heart started beating twice as fast. She remembered the gesture she made to him so long ago and how much it meant to her that he had done the same. It always felt like an unspoken reality that he had fallen in love with her. It was an emotion she didn’t know how to maintain.

She looked back at him sweetly and smiled, “You’re so sweet. I appreciate it.”

“Of course, anything. You know I love you.”

The feelings she had the night before dawned on her once again. The flood of emotion she felt after seeing him fall. How much she really loved him back. But it wasn’t as easy to understand as she had hoped. His love was a paradox. A security. There was no one in the world who understood her as he did. Over the past couple of months, she’d develop a trust in him. She’d share things with him that another soul wouldn’t have dreamed of finding out. His love was a fear. A fear of hurting the one person in this world she truly cared about. She had hurt him before… and it seems she had hurt him again.

“Are you really sure you love me… after everything?” 

“Yes, after everything.” He reassured her, “In all honesty, as much as I would love to be with you, I want you to be healthy too. If it’s not what you really want, I’m not going to pressure you about it. I just really care about you...” 

She sighed, “I feel like, for so long, I was trying really hard to redeem myself for you. Always doubting and second-guessing myself so I wouldn’t hurt you. Now, look at you.”

“Don’t think this was your fault. I should know how to take care of myself better. I just… was really focused on helping you. I forgot to help myself.” He looked up at her from the little cot, “And please. Don’t change yourself for me. You’re already perfect.” His words crushed her. For the past year, Sierra only knew one thing. That she loved him unconditionally… but it was a lie she created under escapism. How could she believe him if she can’t believe herself? She throws her arms to him… what if she gets hurt again by the same lies? The thought of it all was overwhelming to her.

Sierra leaned down and softly squeezed his hand, “I need to step out for a moment. I’ll grab you something from the vending machine okay?”

“Don’t be long.” The room fell dim as she stepped out into the hallway. The last few months circled in his mind. How he got here. Where he’d go next. He thought about the girl he’d met on the plane. The girl he saw alone in her wheelchair waiting for a ride home. The girl he sat with at the campsite and the one he fell in love with not too long after. She was the girl that reminded him how flawed he was and how that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She was the girl that despite everything, he fell in love with. _Love’s a funny thing, isn’t it?_

He lifted his head as the door creaked open, “I brought you a water.” 

“Thank you, love.” 

She set the plastic bottle on his little end table before pulling up a chair next to him. They sat together in serenity as his words still boiled within her. She thought about the comments he’d say now. The comments he’d say back on the plane. They almost made her feel the same… confused. Confused with her own feelings and how she was supposed to register his reactions. She thought back to his confession of love to her. The kiss they shared in the rain. How she felt after. How she couldn’t decide in that moment if she was in love with him or not. Wasn’t it everything she really wanted? Her heart was patient. She loved how much he loved her. She loved how they’d become friends in this time of uncertainty. She loved the idea of loving him back. It was a moment of excitement and fear as she found herself coming to terms with her true feelings.

From the corner of the room, Sierra’s cell phone softly buzzed against the wood of the table. The room fell cold. She felt the clench of her heart as she peaked at the sender, realizing that she was running out of time. It was a fact she’d known since she arrived at this unsettling place, but one she wanted to forget.

He looked at her confused, “Is your dad gonna pick us up? I think I’m okay to leave.”

She shook her head softly, “Your parents are coming to get you soon.” 

“Well, that will be okay. We can just move back into the guest room at my house then.” She fell silent and stared back at him. Her heart shattered as she had to break his euphoria for the first time in months.

“You do know this might be our last day together for a while, right?”

“That’s... not true,” He hesitated, “You know I’m not going anywhere without you. My parents can come pick me up but I’m not going with them if you’re not coming.”

“I don’t think it’s up to us anymore...”

It wasn’t something he’d thought of for a while… being away from her. He was so trapped in his own mind that he could barely remember a time where she wasn’t there. The months she spent on the other side of the hallway. It was the first time in his life he felt like there was someone else living in that suburban house. He didn’t feel alone anymore.

She placed her hands on his cheek and looked at him sweetly, “It’ll be okay. Even when I’m not there, I’ll still be with you. I… I really do love you.”

“I love you too…”

Alone they laid in the dimly lit room. The sounds of cots rolling on tile floors echoed in the hallways as they kissed under the flickering fluorescent lights. It was the end of the beginning. The past few months felt like one brief moment to her that was coming to an abrupt end. But what felt like one of the hardest goodbyes, was buried underneath the blossom of love they had for each other. Their love was a ray of sunshine. And no matter where she was, or where she was going, it was always something she’d be able to see. What was one of the hardest goodbyes wasn’t a goodbye at all… it was a transition from one moment into the next. 

“Wait for me.”

.

.

.

.

The white light of the screen shined upon his face in the dark bedroom. It was quiet in his suburban home. Nothing but the sound of the fall air whistling through an old window. Nothing distracted Cody as he stared into the nothing of his computer screen. A loading screen that made circles around him. It was worth any kind of wait for him. As he stared at the blank screen, he thought about everything he's been through. Everything that went wrong. Everything that somehow went right. He thought about the future and what it held for him. His thought process was interrupted by the computer opening his call. Her, staring back at him.

“Hey,” Sierra beamed, “How’s it going?”

“Same as every day… I wish you were here.” 

“Me too.” Just getting to hear her voice every day was enough to get by. He longed to be close with her again but knew this was probably the best. While their love was close, their healing needed distance. As long as he knew she loved him, she was always with him.

“Oh,” He recalled, “remember that coffee shop we went to in the spring? I saw a sign that the apartment above was available for rent.”

She laughed, “Are you saying she should move in together? We don’t really have the money for that, do we?”

“No, but it’s a nice thought. Maybe someday in the future.” 

“Definitely.”

It was something he thought of for a while… being with her again. Spending every moment of his life with her. She was the girl that despite everything that happened between them, they could work it out and find themselves in a nirvana of love. The moment he looked her way on that plane all those months ago, he never would’ve imagined the life he had now. A life that so heavily included her. More than ever, he anxiously anticipated to start that life and bury all the pain they both harvested over the years. As they talked together as they had every night, he knew this was still just the beginning as there was a long trip ahead of them. 

“You complete me…”


End file.
